October 2009

Friday, October 23, 2009

Best Practical Joke Ever

Even year later, this is still the funniest bit from Scare Tactics.
2 minutes of pure funny. Play.

Friday, October 9, 2009

I never knew that getting a bagel could make me want to go on a rampage.

After a nice workout and on my way to work, I stopped at a Coffee Bean (not Starbucks this time). As I stepped out of the car the cool morning air greeted me, and I felt good about the day. I step into the store and the line is short, excellent! In no time, I get to the counter, and this exchange follows (after the greetings and pleasantries):

Barista: What would you like?
Me: A small latte, and a toasted cinnamon bagel please…just plain please.
Barista: No problem. Would you like cream cheese with the bagel?
Me (still not in rampage mode): No, just the bagel please.
Barista: How about butter?
Me (slightly miffed): Plain bagel is fine. Thanks!
Barista: So, no type of jams or anything?
Me (in my head): Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Shut up about the jams and cream cheese!

What the hell is wrong with some people?! How many times do I need to refuse creme cheese, butter, jams, or honey? You are not being helpful when you keep asking idiotic questions about possible spreads for my bagel. Oh yes, now that you’ve asked me fifty times I’ll just get a bagel with creme cheese. I wonder why I didn’t think of that myself. Weird!

--Compliments of the Sarcasm Society.

If you ever have to get rid of bodies with fish, don't use goldfish. It takes weeks. Just trust me.

I'm at home watching Monsters vs. Aliens & as soon as the in-laws leave, we'll probably pop in a movie. Kidding, LOL!

Trying to eat healthier by focusing on seasonal foods. Thus, the Frankenberry.

Recent studies have shown that nine out of every ten Americans need to shut up.

Sure, I have a minute to talk. But I only had a second to listen, and you wasted it asking that crappy question.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Obama Auto-tune!

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=162047001512#/video/video.php?v=162047001512

Waaay too funny to listen to only once!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYP3jhqUC3I

Sunday, October 4, 2009

People of Walmart.

Where do they find these folks?
Oh, yeah, Walmart! LOL!

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

Friday, October 2, 2009

Computer Stupidities. Unbelievable...almost.

http://bit.ly/177GNC

25 Ways to Tick People Off

Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
Practice making fax and modem noises.
Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
Staple pages in the middle of the page.
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
Honk and wave to strangers.
Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
type only in lowercase.
dont use any punctuation either
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
"DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
As much as possible, skip rather than walk.